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Increase Your Resilience

Some people are born with the predisposition of being resilient. They seem to have a natural ability to bounce back whenever something knocks them down. No matter what happens in their life, they take it in their stride and don’t let it knock them off kilter. However, it’s not like this for everyone. Other people don’t find it as easy to get back up when life sends them stressful or unexpected events. Although this is the unfortunate truth about life, there is something that can be done to redress the balance. It is possible to increase your resilience.

It’s by no means easy, but if you’re prepared to do the work you can develop your resilience and become a resilient person. How would it feel to be able to deal with a stressful situation without having a complete meltdown? To be able to adapt to new circumstances with ease? There are steps we can all take to learn how to deal with stressful situations. Those steps involve changing how we see ourselves, and how we react to traumatic experiences.

Learn From Your Mistakes

One of the most helpful tools you can utilise when trying to change your behaviour, are your previous experiences. You can draw on your past to examine how you coped with past events. Learning from your mistakes is a really helpful exercise. Making sense of why you reacted in a certain way, will give you the opportunity to take control and direct your future behaviour. Think of a stressful incident you went through and ask yourself “What caused me to react that way?”. When you analyse it after the event, it will be easier to see the cause of your reaction.

Taking time to analyse your behaviour will also help you to see any patterns. If you can isolate them, acknowledge the negative effect they have your life. Once you’re aware of repeating patterns of behaviour, you’ll be able to work on eliminating them. Replacing old patterns with more positive coping mechanisms is a huge step in the right direction. Bear in mind though that it’s not always comfortable to observe yourself in this manner. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself and remember that it’s a small price to pay for the benefits you’ll receive when you increase your resilience.

Don’t Dwell On The Past

Naturally resilient people have the ability to get straight back up after a fall. They don’t dwell on the mishap and allow it to consume them. First, they evaluate the problem, accept the new situation as it is and take action from their new perspective. They don’t get bogged down with how things were supposed to be. Using the new information, they move forward as soon as possible. Aligning their thoughts with the new reality, helps them to adapt. From this mindset, they are able to take advantage of the situation and continue on their way without too much disruption to their emotions and stress levels.

The ability to remain flexible when the worst happens, is a contributing factor of a highly resilient person. By remaining calm and flexible, you retain a clarity of mind that gives you an advantage in challenging times. If you’re looking to increase your resilience, these are areas that you should actively work on. When you feel yourself getting upset, ask yourself “What am I feeling right now?”. Identify the feeling and ask, “What caused me to feel this way?”.

Observe Your Emotions

The time it takes you to name your emotion and recognise the trigger, should be enough to take the pressure off and calm you down. Now you’re in a position to evaluate the situation as it really is. Look at the problem and try to get back on course as soon as possible. What do you need to do to achieve the outcome you desire, in the new circumstances? Remember to be flexible and change your plans as necessary. Embracing change and accepting that this is how things are now, will build your resilience. And you’ll increase your confidence, so you feel more able to deal with difficulties in future.

I’ve used questioning techniques like this in recent times to build my own resilience. I find it extremely helpful to observe my own patterns, with a view to improving my ability to conduct myself in a calm and level-headed manner, in upsetting or troublesome times. My aim is to become unflappable, although that is a long way off at present. I do believe that with consistent effort to manage and regulate emotions, it is possible to achieve a non-reactive and intentional condition, even in high pressure situations.

Be Flexible

We’ve all met that person, who seems to be cool, calm, and collected even when all hell is breaking loose. I always used to wonder how could they stay so calm? Why aren’t they freaking out? What gives them the ability to remain so composed? I’ve researched this subject on my mission to adopt a new level of resilience, and I’ve learnt that it’s their ability to assess the situation and detach their emotions. By doing so they are able to remain unflustered while dealing with the problem.

Another thing I’ve learnt is that if you are able to teach yourself to do this, it’s not just your emotions that are regulated. If you can reach a level where you are imperturbable, nothing can get in your way. Nothing can stop you. No one can upset you. No one can send you off course. Because if something does come up, you’re not shaken by it. You have the power to meet the obstacle and find another way. A better way to where you’re going.

Final Thoughts

When you’re in control of your emotions, you see difficulties as opportunity. A chance to take whatever it is that has dropped in your lap and use it to take you somewhere even better than you had planned. When you increase your resilience so that nothing can derail you, you can become unstoppable. If you can make this your minimum standard for life, there won’t be anything you can’t face. There won’t be anything you can’t do. Because even if the unthinkable happens, you’ll be equipped to deal with it. It can’t take your power. It won’t be able to take you out. You’re solid. You’re resilient.

I also need to mention at this point that if you’re not there yet, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t mean anything about you. It doesn’t mean that you’re not good enough, or that you’ll never get there. All it means is that there is room for improvement. Just because you aren’t where you want to be right now, it doesn’t mean it won’t happen. Life is a constant flow of things we do can do to improve ourselves. When you achieve one thing, another thing shows up that you decide you want to master. Your desire to become more than you are today is your motivation. Use that drive to increase your resilience.

Coaching can help you clarify the areas of your life you want to improve. If you’re ready to start taking your life to the next level, apply here





Ruth Cunningham is a mindset and success coach and the founder of Up and Up Life. Ruth helps women build the confidence they need to go after their dreams and live a life of freedom and independence on their own terms. Her primary focus is on empowering them to identify what is holding them back and giving them practical tools for success.