If there was one piece of advice I could give to my younger self, it would be “Don’t be afraid to ask”.
Start With Self Evaluation
I recently performed a self-evaluation of my life. The purpose was to highlight what I’ve achieved and how I’ve grown. I also wanted to identify the areas where improvement can still be made. Although there is no doubt that I’ve progressed enormously, I noticed that one area had done a complete about turn.
I learnt that my ability to ask for what I want has improved 100%. When I thought about it, I realised that in the past I never used to ask for what I want. I was curious, so I decided to delve into the reasons why I didn’t do this and what had changed that I now ask for what I want regularly.
Analyse The Results
When I look back, the main reason I didn’t ask was I was afraid to speak up. I didn’t speak up because I was afraid that no one would take me seriously. I was afraid of rejection. I was afraid of being dismissed and it was easier to stay quiet.
I saw a theme revealing itself in these answers. It was fear. The underlying issue was that I was scared to speak up for myself. I was afraid to get out of my comfort zone even if it meant missing out on what I wanted. I hoped people would just instinctively know what I wanted and offer me the opportunities. If I waited long enough, I would get what I deserved.
But the world doesn’t work like that. What I realise now is that we can’t assume that people are mind readers, and they’ll eventually figure out what we want and give it to us. No, if you are to create a life you love, you need to be very clear and intentional about what you want, why you want it and you absolutely must ask for it.
If You Don’t ask, The Answer Is Always No – Nora Roberts
I’m not exactly sure when I did start asking for what I want but I can tell you that as soon as I did, as soon as I was clear about my wants and needs. I started receiving them. It was like asking was the magic piece of the puzzle that had been missing. When I found it and put it to use in my life, it somehow unblocked the channel, and I was able to receive what I wanted with ease.
One thing you can be sure of, if you don’t ask, you’ll always get a hard no. If you do ask you may still get a no but equally you might get a yes. And people are a lot more willing to say yes if they understand what you want. If you’re clear and you ask in a polite and confident way, you’re much more likely to get a yes.
Ask Yourself
If you’re ready to be more confident and start asking for what you want, the best place to start is by asking yourself what you want. I do this regularly and have learnt that journaling is the simplest and most effective way to get clarity on what I want and guidance on how to proceed. Journaling was the thing that changed it for me. By being consistent with this habit, I learnt a lot about myself and realised there were things missing from my life.
When you start writing in your journal daily, you’ll find that your feelings about a particular subject are trying to tell you something. If you analyse this, it can be a great way to learn more about yourself and what you want out of life. When you put your emotions down on paper it gives you an idea of what your inner desires are and what may be missing from your life.
Learn About Yourself
When you’re able to identify what these things are and acknowledge that they surfaced for a reason, you’ll feel empowered to find a way to incorporate them into your life. A great way to do that is by asking someone to help you.
Journaling can give you insight into what you like, what you’re afraid of. Areas you’d like to improve. Don’t be afraid to ask yourself the tough questions. The more you know about yourself and what you want, the better equipped you are to change and grow as a person.
Ask Others
When you’re clear on what it is that you want, it’s time to ask for it. And when you start asking you’ll be surprised how quickly and easily the items on your list start to flow into your life. People are generally accommodating if your requests are well thought out and reasonable. So even if you’re nervous about asking for what you want and speaking up for yourself and your desires, don’t be afraid to ask.
It’s helpful to practice what you’re going to say in advance, so you’re not stuck for words when you’re in front of the other person. Rehearse a few times when you’re alone so you feel more positive about what you’re asking when it’s time.
Learn From Them
You must be prepared for a no. The other party has every right to say no to your request. So don’t be disheartened if this happens. Think of it as invaluable experience. Every time you make the effort to ask for what you want, you’ll get better. And remember, just because they say no now, it doesn’t mean the answer will always be no.
Turn the no into a positive no. Listen to their reasons and ask for feedback. Is it the timing? Can you do anything to improve yourself so the answer will be yes if you ask again in the future? Is there a compromise you can reach so both parties get what they want?
Use the experience as an information gathering exercise so you know what their objections are. If you have another opportunity to ask, this information could be crucial in overcoming their reluctance and getting you a solid yes. Be confident when asking. If you’re not sure you deserve what you’re asking for that will be evident and they’ll be less likely to agree.
Ask The Universe
Another important part of asking for what you want is making your intention known to the universe. If you want something, it’s essential that you’re in the correct energetic state to receive it. If you’re still operating from that place of fear, the universe can’t deliver it to you.
When you’ve become clear on what you want and why you want, and you feel confident about your ability to ask for it. It’s time to strengthen your desire and ask the universe for what you want. Be as specific as you can. Use as much detail as possible.
Where and when you ask is up to you but the more certain you feel when you ask the better. It will help to be somewhere you feel comfortable and relaxed. You can create your own ritual, or you can just ask the question out loud. Remember, the universe can only give you what you believe is possible. Be grateful for what you’re asking for by feeling what it’s like to already have it.
Above all, don’t feel guilty for the things you want and don’t be afraid to ask.
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